Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
