hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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