Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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