It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
