I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We left the knife in your bed.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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