Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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