Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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