Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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