what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
