pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
