It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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