I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
