I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
