Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
