His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
