I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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