just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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