Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
