Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
