these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
