You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize