i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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