I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize