dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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