If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
