writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
