not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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