They should really pass out barf bags in church
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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