Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
