At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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