a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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