Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
