Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
