So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
