Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize