My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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