He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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