Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
