I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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