plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize