If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
