i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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