You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Can I color on your dick again?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
