I want to make a zoo with you.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
