My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my sisters under your porch take her home
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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