I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
