What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
