i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
