I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize