He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
