At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
