East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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