you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
