The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
