just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
