During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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