Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
