So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
