Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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