Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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