you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
The air taste purple.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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