he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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