My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
