Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
