True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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