i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
