how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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