im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
