you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Randomize
