Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
