Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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