is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
