upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
